is illusion – The illusion is real
from the Matrix
The author: Who is “OWK”? I have no idea. Sometimes he is here.
Then he is gone again. He is using the body of the writer like a
channel. And if he does not write, the writer is a “very normal
man”, with human feelings, dreams and fears. Also, he mostly enjoys
this a lot. To write about what he is ”doing right now” does not
really make sense, since every day is different and new.
This is especially
the case since this 7. December 1998, when he was in a small, hectic
café in an Indian city, and was allowed to have this one
spiritual experience that others before have described as “enlightenment”.
Yet does this
entity “OWK” who has been writing this book still exist at all?
Or has this
book been written by itself, like a channel? Like the dream that
finally is dreamt by itself, without needing a dreamer. Like the
creation that does not need a creator. In some way like this the
book itself is the author and named itself “OWK”..
story of the dream
much is enlightenment, and is awakening cheaper?
Moment of Enlightenment
to the “Facts of the Truth“
as a cosmic theatre
evolution of truth
return into duality
Comes“ Wisdom in the place of Knowledge
means, the search is over
we become enlightened by another way?
as a process
ones causing mutual confusion
as an Enlightened Being
and then what?
naked facts of Transformation
Comparison to “normal people“
State of Being of an Enlightened one
the dramatic ending (the death of the enlightened being)
trap of Not-doing
Ego and Emotions of an enlightened one
with Joe Doe
fear of Shiva
(and should) everyone be enlightened?
“unauthentic enlightened one“
intoxication of the energy-goddess
Magic of the Enlightened one: The Way “Wonders“ work
you give up front comes back from the behind
two enlightened beings meet
they have Sex?
polygam, or no relationship at all?“
between enlightened ones
comparison is possible
reason that not everybody talks about it
we are naming it anyways
one recognize enlightened ones?
“new enlightened one“ - no more Guru airs
experience of awakening
“enlightened one“ can go on sleeping
are often destroyed
from Maya and Enlightening Leela
of “awakened“ and “enlightened“
do we mean with “state“?
Nothing, the Void, Soonyata
incarnated, individual Soul
Tao, Yin and Yang
two “I´s“, God and Goddess
or Goddess, conscious or subconscious? Good and Bad
of Master- states
Surviving is everything
Sex is everything
Long live free will
Love is everything
Truth is everything
God is everything
I am (is) everything
from a neurological perspective
of spirituality - Awakening sleeping parts of the brain
tasks for the brain - (Chakras are located in the brain)
of enlightened parts of the brain
as a Psychologist
and right hemisphere in the state of enlightenment
is the “EGO“?
is the mind?
imitating, tricky mind.
- The war of man and woman
want to be loved“
the world from a spiritual perspective
everything is true
Energy and consciousness
Moon-position: A speculative “proof“ of God
of light- and sound waves
cosmic super data bank
Trinity of God
phenomenon’s and other dimensions
“here and now“ (Yang)
on time line (Yin)
stretched time of eternity
to deal with (unpleasant) emotions and fears
your own death“
in the ocean, blissfulness
around the thinking compulsion
evolution; a short form of the process of liberation
The God realization
Freedom from God
Back into the matrix, beyond enlightenment
finishing the Book
absolute and highest truth
by Antariou (Berlin)
Or hello to
the God within us all,
The great game
that God is playing with him/herself is truly wonderful.
When God is
meeting himself and is pleased about the name “Owk“ and looks at
the picture of him, which has been taken by Kiya in India, he is
so pleased to again see the same picture within Antariou, just to
notice how good it fits to the name Owk.
It is a special
pleasure these days, now that “it“ wants me to invite people just
to share this exquisite, vibrating energy. What a gift to itself!
And “it“ is
writing a book and will be delighted in another body whilst reading
it. There is so much energy, that all usual shapes start to dissolve,
diving into each other, and “it“ is asking “itself“ to write a preface.
What a joy!
The first thought
that comes into appearance is that the preface will write itself
whilst meeting today.
I remember reading the book. Andrea could not always follow the
written words, yet she could feel a lot of peace and silence and
this also comes along with what this book is about.
The next: Should
I write this into the preface?
And now: Is
the preface already written? Is this already the beginning of writing?
I can’t keep
myself in front of the computer any longer; all shapes are starting
to dissolve. The energy is amazing. The trees are calling me.
So long, and
thank you for this moment.
Owk is here.
I can feel him. Vibrating.
I have dreamt
something – a beautiful, nice dream.
before waking up, one of the lovely dream-figures became hysterical.
All of a sudden
she had this terrible fear of dying. She told me that I must not
wake up, for otherwise she would die. She got mad.
Die? My dream-figure?
Suddenly she believes she exists? That she is identified with herself?
What to do?
would just think she is nuts and simply wake up, that she is crazy
indeed! But she caught me. I began to explain, that it is just a
dream – my dream – and that this is nonsense. She started to cry.
What to do?
in the dream I had loved her and I remembered the feeling.
I didn’t want
to hurt her. Unexpectedly I again forgot that it was just a dream.
I was as nuts
as she, identified with my dream-body.
We were sitting
together, full of fear of waking up. And I forgot that only I can
does follow certain paths and moves on. Too long I had been sleeping,
and again I crossed the edge towards waking up. And again she acted
as if she were crazy.
I had to “heal“ her. All dream-figures are normal and don’t bother
about dream dying. But she surely was psychotic.
So, I called
a lot of therapists in order to make a normal functioning dream-figure
out of her again. I did all that was possible. Also a lot of “breathing”
because of my emotions.
Take this foolish
identity away from her!
I trusted the
therapists. And again I could not wake up. “First she has to be
healed, since I love all of you so much…”
I told somebody
that I wanted to wake up, and that it is so paradoxical. All of
a sudden they were all coming over to me, wanting to heal me.
the therapists; they wanted to make a normal functioning dream-figure
out of me.
were the idiots who believed I should be just working, getting children,
etc. They were to ignore. They said, if the dream is “good”, then
I will have a “better wake up” somewhere else. I didn’t get that.
were the philosophers; they started to think about whether it is
a dream now or not. And does life after waking up exist? And can
one allow me to wake up?
Some had cults,
religions, and were convinced that if I just strongly believed the
words uttered by somebody long ago, then I would surely wake up
very nicely. Yet, if I do not believe it, after waking up I will
immediately have to fall asleep again and have to dream on, yet
I will look different.
I should forget that it is “my dream”. No, it is somebody
else’s dream; that person should be called “God”; and if I do not
believe this, I will wake up in a terrifying place. I told them,
“I can only wake up where I fell asleep, can’t I”? Yet with them
communication failed. Like robots, they repeated the same
lines over and over. After a while I ignored them.
And the scientists!
They were eager to precisely examine the laws that underlie this
dream world . Like it is true for most dreams, visual things were
All the time
they questioned “Why? Why?”. I have created my dream for me and
they wanted to knock it down into all single components.
saw that lunatics were coming – yes, all of a sudden all were so
crazy- who meant to help me. “Teachers”, they called themselves.
They thought they “knew”, how to wake me up. I should be doing funny
postures with my body! they named it yoga or tai chi. Then I surely
will wake up!
supposed that before waking up, my dream-body had to be totally
“healthy”, so they stitched needles into me. They told me in order
to wake up, one needs the right “balance”; otherwise it won’t work.
And without a strong “Hara”, no waking up anyway.
them and started to practice and practice. Some times, nature was
stronger. Another time, since my real body was already well rested,
I was about to awake. I was able to see through this madness and
stopped all the exercises.
before, others came and caught my attention. They asserted that
they were awake. They called themselves “enlightened”. And a lot
of others believed them. They came to me and said: “There is nothing
to do, simply surrender to your dream”.
They said that
I should continue dreaming, but consciously, knowing that it is
just a dream.
They said that
they were “awake”. I did not exactly understand. Awake? From MY
dream? I felt jumbled. Those were the ones that confused me!
Were they visitors
from another dream? Were they part of my dream or separate? And
again my head nearly split and I could not wake up. This riddle
had to be solved.
My real body
started to rebel; I could feel it even “through” my dream-body.
It started to vibrate, and the ones that call themselves the “tantrics”
told me I should simply enjoy all. Chakras, kundalini, energy and
so on. Yet, they were better than the ones that simply guessed I
Well, I could
indeed manage to simply connect my dream-body with my real body.
“True yoga” indeed, hour-long bliss and orgasms. The dream reached
a new quality. Independent from the outside, it was from the dream
But what to
As time passed
by, all were gone again and I was left alone. Alone with my bliss,
connected with my real body.
came and thought to be able to look into my dream-future. They meant
to know when I was going to wake up, when all were going to wake
I have called
all these people insane but didn’t recognize my own insanity, since
I believed that I was separate from them. That is the way that I
– through them – valued myself and identified myself.
that it was just a dream.
who I really am.
All were making
me so mad that I myself got crazy, not knowing anymore what there
is after waking up. Now there was fear of the total unknown.
I knew it was
a dream. But if it’s not “real”, how should I enjoy it? Would I
be captured within the dream, within the illusion, forever?
I do as a dream-resident?
All of a sudden
others were coming and started to “believe” me. That I am “awakened”.
They greatly misunderstood me and wanted to “know” how to “wake
up”. From MY dream? Perverse.
might call me “enlightened” and I can neither dream on in peace,
nor wake up?!
Should I now
in my dream start running around, telling them that I am only dreaming?
Once more identified
with this personality I am in the dream? Playing the “master”? And
all of a sudden believing that others are able to wake up from my
dream? What for?
What to do?
this mania come from, that I first have to convince everybody that
it is only a dream in order to enable myself to “come back home”
again? The illusion of having a “task”, a “mission” in the dream?
How long can
such a dream last? Did this dream exist even before me? Will it
continue after the total awakening?
And: Am I not
already totally awake?
I have dreamt
something. A beautiful, nice dream.
before waking up, one of the lovely dream-figures became hysterical.
I must have
what does that mean? What does somebody mean by “Satori“, or by
“Samadhi“? Are there any differences? Why do some speak about the
“here and now“ and others talk about “timelessness“? What did Buddha
mean when he talked of “Nirvana“, what did Jesus mean when he said
“Heaven“? Is there God, Heaven and Hell, Angel or Devil? Are there
other dimensions? What is the matrix?
Some are telling
you “you are all that“; others reveal, “you are illusion“; again
some say “I am”, and this is all there is“; others make it known
“I am not“.
Is there one
path, or have we all reached our goal a long time ago? Is the path
the goal or is the path the obstacle? “Pure consciousness“ or “pure
energy“? Or is everything anyway just nonsense?
Prana? Chakras? Yin or Yang? Duality or
oneness, as well as, or neither nor? Soul-Body-Ghost? Super soul?
tantra, sexual energy, pure love, or is it all only superego? Conditioning
or mass-hypnoses? Churches, sects or psycho-cults?
about charity and the “father in heaven“. Buddha talks about compassion
and transmigration of souls, re-incarnation, Nirvana and the void.
Lao Tze mentions the unchangeable Tao, which takes care of itself.
about “existence“ and sexual energy, Mohammed about the sword and
Moses about the 10 commandments.
Did they all
have the same experiences or are there “different types of enlightenment“?
All these questions
have been keeping mankind busy ever since.
I will try
to answer these questions out of my knowledge as best as I can.
I am familiar with various experiences of awakening, and the state
of “experiencing oneness with God“, the “Nothing“ (Void, Nirvana),
Satoris, Samadhis, awakening of the Chakras, Kundalini energy, including
the encounter “union of Shiva and Shakti“. I have experienced being
“the watcher“, the “non-doer“. I have been “pure love“ and
“pure awareness“ as well as “pure energy“.
I myself do
not like to use the word “enlightenment“, since this word is connected
with so many different expectations, projections and the imaginations
of all people. So please, forget all what you already know, or think
you know about enlightenment. Put it all aside. I am not that.
And over all
I would love to offer a phrase of Lao Tze:
which can be spoken can not be the complete truth.“
Same as with
this book, which is just a part of the “cosmic game“ and therefore
can never be the complete answer. Yet, let us see where this part
The “good news“
is that both are for free and available.
In fact spiritual
enlightenment is a “gift of God“. Therefore it is not possible to
“make it happen“.
And, it is
just not possible “to buy“ it or gain it through the “grace of a
So relax, you
cannot force it.
if some “enlightened Masters“ do indeed make such promises, they
are either charlatans or they just do not know the difference between
“awakening“ and “enlightenment“.
On the other
hand, the state of “awakening“ can truly be influenced, can really
happen just through the presence of other awakened beings.
it can happen to you that through a gathering of some awakened people
(Satsang) all of a sudden you “awake“.
the “enlightened“ as well as the “awakened“ are both able to help
us gain awakening, but they cannot help us to become enlightened.
can happen by just sitting together with one or more awakened or
enlightened person will not take any money, though if he/she is
very famous there could be an entrance fee. After all, most of the
enlightened ones have to earn a living too. So they often sell their
words or their presence and there is nothing wrong with that.(*smile*)
cannot sell a spiritual experience. I cannot promise you the experience
of “awakening“ just because you pay me. It is just not possible.
the awakening of another person is such a great gift, the greatest
gift at all! If somebody awakes through the presence of an enlightened
one in a “one to one sitting“, for example, the enlightened one
should pay the “newcomer“. Since this is such a beautiful experience,
such a gift, it should not be the other way around. Never.
For the enlightened person it is one of the greatest blisses on
earth, so at least it should be for free.
in case you are learning a “technique“ in order to awake, I would
like to make you aware that you probably will miss “it“.
of a technique is in contradiction to the experience of awakening.
focus on “non doing“ at first hand.
At this point
I have to mention that I do not want to be unjust to people who
are still offering ways and practices. Altogether, there are useful
ways and teachings for a variety of benefits, like for self-awareness,
relaxation, self-realization, healing or just for the fun of it.
This can help
you a lot to reach beautiful states, yes indeed, but for “reaching“
the state of enlightenment – sorry, no.
There are so
many experiences that feel like “enlightenment“, and so many contradictions
as well as so many different “enlightened ones“.
compare their own experience to those described in books and the
talks of some old masters, a Guru or Buddha, and realize happily:
“Yes! This is it!“
I myself thought, “Now this is it, now I am enlightened“. Having
reached wonderful states or blissful experiences, I often thought
“this must be it“ or “now I really must be enlightened.“ (*smile*)
is our human “tricky mind“ that wishes to believe what “mind“ wants
to believe, wants to see what “mind“ wants to see and of course
wants to read what “mind“ wants to read. So relax, there is nothing
wrong with that.
But what is
Now it is time
to jump into the dangerous zone of trying to describe what enlightenment
What is enlightenment
One thing for
sure, it is so much easier to describe what it is not, like Buddha:
“No, this is not it”.
And all of
a sudden I am standing in front of the same problem as everybody
else who is trying to express “it“.
The best thing
to start with is the utterance of Lao Tze:
“The truth which can be spoken can’t be the absolute
Now let us
be serious and truthful: it is something, which cannot be understood
by the human “mind“. Furthermore, and/or the other way round, it
is something which one can only “understand“ without the “mind“.
One can only “see“ it if the “mind“ is out of the way.
a state of “a total switch off“ of the “I“, something is going to
when the “I“ is back (plugged in again), it is trying to understand
this “something“ which has just happened. This “I“ is trying to
explain it according to its own understanding, its past, its spiritual
And often it
is only the mind that thinks that it has authentically understood
what this is. Therefore, there are great misunderstandings.
has to admit that one does not understand it.
is not able to understand it, and never will be. (*smile*)
it is just not possible to communicate it.
This is due
to the fact that “communication“ is part of the whole game and one
part is not able to grasp the “complete thing“.
one entirely tastes completeness. (First definition *smile*) Back
to the “I“, or “switched on“ again, one is only “a part of it“ trying
to communicate it to another “part of it“.
So how should
is there, because there is nobody there who knows anything.
To say “I only
know that I do not know“ comes close to the truth, yet this again
is knowledge and therefore a contradiction.
in oppositions is a logic paradox. Why?
As a result
“it“ is a contradiction, a paradox, and beyond duality. The world
of duality dissolves into this truth, into this completeness.
The world of
duality dissolves (another definition), therefore there are all
So what is
happening with the “logic mind“ when confronted with total contradiction?
Of course, “mind“ turns off.
When I tasted
the ultimate oneness or completeness, my mind got switched off.
This was how I experienced it.
It was not
like I experienced it because of a result of the “shut down“ of
the mind. It was the other way round. Through the “logic-shock
of the truth“ my mind got switched off on the spot.
It was similar
to a computer that stops functioning through a logical paradox like
1 + 1 not only results in 2, but at the same time in 3 as well.
creates the end of duality, the wholeness, and the paradox..
Of course the
“mind“ is able to accept contradictions, yet only one behind the
Once Yin, once
Yang, once full with love, then with hate, once calm, another time
hectic and so on...
“truth“ follows the next one. This is what everybody is experiencing
in normal daily life.
This is no
problem for our mind. We are used to it.
In the “state
of enlightenment“, however, everything at the same time is true.
of consciousness exist coincidentally, everything is true and untrue
at the same time.
seems real and seems to be just an illusion, a dream, all at the
It is like
simultaneously experiencing “I am all and everything“ as well as
“I am not existing at all“, or “I only exist in the here and now“
as well as “in the never-ending time“.
I have been
existing “since the beginning of time and will never stop to exist“
hence “I only exist now“ in this single existing moment of the here
and now, because “this moment is everything which exists and does
not exist at all“.
“I am a dream“
and “there is nobody who dreams“, “the dream is dreamt by itself“
and “this dream does not exist“. All this at the same time
and still so much more and still so much less.
The words “simultaneously“
or “coincidentally“ or “at the same time“ are not perfectly well
chosen, because in this state time does not exist at all.
But which words
This is the
tragedy with using words. (My dear reader this is a big task for
you, this is something you have to read with your heart rather than
So our “normal
time“ does not exist and we experience timelessness at speed zero,
and again at the same time (*smile*) everything seems eternal and
which has ever happened and everything which is going to happen
does exist in the here and now and nothing ever happened before
this or after this so called now.
This is not
very easy to take for a human “mind“ and as a result our computer
And one should
explain this? One’s own “mind“ was not able to follow it and now
this “mind“ wants to explain it to other “minds“?
This is a very
confusing and risky task. Therefore, some people decided (consciously
or subconsciously) to just focus on one side of it and present half
of the truth since it is so much easier to be understood and appreciated
in the so-called “Shiva-Space“, where one is able to “see the illusion“.
that this “space“ belongs to the sixth Chakra, the third eye. Therefore,
some people see that all the others are already enlightened and
that they just act as if they are not.
And so they
look into other people’s eyes and lovingly call it “being in truth“
or “Satsang“ and utter things like “just relax, you are already
enlightened“ and “there is nothing you have to know“, or “just stop
thinking that you only have to find out who you are because the
one and only truth is “I am“.
(This “I am“
is true, but it will not lead the other person to have the experience.
of true “enlightenment” will happen by itself when the time is ripe
And there is
nothing in the world which could force it or make it happen, not
can lead you through “inner development“ and can give you “inner
peace“, meditation, blissful feelings, understanding (for the mind
*smile*). It can definitely help you “recondition your ego“,
can guide you to lead an authentic life, a life honest to yourself,
..Satsang can help you in a variety of things; furthermore, it can
lead you to some beautiful spiritual experiences...but enlightenment?
Most of the
enlightened ones had their experience alone, without a master, just
when time was ripe for it.
Lao Tze, Osho, just to mention a few. Their aim was to “create“
a better world, a far more loving, more peaceful and more truthful
of love and peace, compassion and truth were not there to “make
you become enlightened“, but for your development, your growth into
a loving life worthy to live.
introduction into the difficulty of speaking about enlightenment,
I would like to describe the experience as realistically as possible.
what follows is a list that includes all the elements of this unspeakable
others might have found different realizations and explanations
while tasting the same experience. We are all individuals and perceive
slightly different things while realizing the same truth.
describe the experience of enlightenment as the end of your old
life, like dying, and at the same time the beginning of a new state
I go with that
is like a new beginning, yet it never ends. Therefore, the rest
of one’s life will be a permanent experience of “experiencing“.
one has to go back into normal duality, but very different of course.
This duality is filled with a complete new way of sensory perception
and “truthful experiences“.
It is a life
in the here and now, perceiving the truth of the now which is relative
and underlies time.
It is not an
ultimate experience. No, it is something that goes on and on. (Dear
me, how can I ever finish this book? *smile*)
Now I would
like you to dive with me into the absolute moment, into my experience
be aware, that all this is happening at the same time and not one
thing after the other. The sequence is at random and I am going
to treat it simply as a list of some facts:
The most important thing is at first hand:
The absolute ultimate, final and true realization that this is enlightenment.
The end and nothing will follow afterwards; it is part of the experience
and hard to discuss. You cannot understand it nor prove it.
My experience does include the final Kundalini-event,
where energy comes up the front side of the body (open heart center)
as well as up the spine.
like never-ending eternal bliss. This is happening by itself and
you cannot force it or suppress it. The energy shoots up and you
cannot help it. One can only surrender to it, do nothing, relax
into it. (On the contrary, all my doing has always gotten in the
way and prevented it from happening.)
Finally, the energy dwells on top of the
head and is sensed as total eternal blissfulness. And it stays on
and on before it leaves the body, going upwards.
comes the return into the “normal condition“, “cold showers“ that
are followed by a great peace and thankfulness (to whomever, whatsoever).
Also “afterwards“ there is just wondering,
the big surprise that having just experienced “the end“, and I am
still alive! It does not seem necessary to live on. I have had everything
already. Filled with peace and thankfulness. Everything is fulfilled.
feels so eternally blissful that I am astounded: I am still alive!
And on top
of that, I am still in my physical body.
The total “switch off“ of the “mind“ means
that the usual condition of understanding and thinking does not
The usual perception of the “subjective
I“ does not exist.
The surprise is that “I“, although
dead or “switched off“, still exist.
This is followed by the realization that
neither death nor birth exists.
I have always existed and I always will exist. I have never been
born and I have never been dead. I was actually dying whilst being
Realization: What I thought was me, is
not me! What I thought was me was just illusion!
Unification with God: “I am God“ (and
of course also the Goddess!), the consciousness of God. It feels
as if God is always enlightened, and always in reach. We humans
just have to stop holding on to our individual consciousnesses,
empty them, make space for God and let the melting happen. ( Yoga
does mean “Union with God“. In Tantra the term is“Mahamudra“, or
“cosmic orgasm“, or “melting into existence“.)
Realization: I am all that. I am everything!
The whole universe and everything that exists and does not exist.
The universe is God’s dream, my dream.
I am the dreamer.
Outside this dream nothing does exist.
There is nobody who is dreaming. The dream is dreamt by “itself“,
not even by a God. The dream is God (paradox).
The void “beyond the dream“ is felt.
God as a Woman: The dream as an individual,
intelligent, moving awareness in form of the overall physical universe
(“Existence“) is sensed as female.
God as a Man: Observing the universe silently,
awareness out of the void (“Non-existence“) that does not influence
“Existence“ is sensed as male.
Therefore, one could say : Not only is
“Nirvana“ (non-existence, the void) conscious, but also the
universe (existence). Both – each for itself – have their
directly influence each other. (This cannot work because the “nothing“
cannot exist in the “something“ and the “something“ does dissolve
into the space of the “nothing“)
sensed as male and “Existence“ is sensed as female. During the experience
of enlightenment, both unify like a cosmic wedding. Both become
one, the ultimate oneness, therefore both “step out of time and
space“, beyond “Existence and Non-existence“. The unity of “All
and Nothing“. No more, no less. Both are “the same“.
also say that during the unification of existence and non-existence
both-in-one are in a wavy, unmanifested shape, the “eventual existence“.
From a “temporal/physical“
perspective one is in a state as if one were in front of and shortly
after the existence of the universe. Like in the transitional period
between the birth and the death of the universe. (Am I being confusing?)
Everything is pure consciousness. I am
Everything is pure energy. I am pure energy.
My individual spirit dissolves and unifies
I have always been enlightened, I just
did not know it. (Better, I just was not aware of it!)
Pure energy is my true self.
Energy and consciousness are coming together
– unification – becoming one.
There is only ONE “I“. And this one existing
“I“ is in all of us.
is true and not true.
mean that everything that has ever been believed by the mind has
the possibility of happening; it has substance, and can become true
within the illusion of the dream. The dream modifies according to
the beliefs and non- beliefs of the mind.
And at the
same time one discovers the illusion, and all that has ever been
“believed” or “known” by the “mind” lies in front of one as an illusion.
So it becomes
clear that there is “nothing“ and that “all what is“ is just part
of the “mind-illusion“ (Maya).
concepts of the mind, all duality or “either-or beliefs“ and concepts
temporarily pass by. Thereby does one realize a higher overall divine
logic, explainable instead with “as well as“ connected with simultaneous
There is not only one God, there is only
God and nothing else. All is (in) God.
God is “this one soul“. I am “this one
soul“. Outside this, nothing exists. There is no individual soul.
Every “I“ is one and the same “I“. There is no “you“, there is no
“other“. I am in all the others.
Death does not exist. There is only one
soul and this one will never die.
of and the belief in an individual soul is an illusion. The “individual
I“ is dying with death. Yet it continues existing in a sort of “I
am“ perception within the particular one soul.
In connection with that comes the experience
of “I am not existing“ and within this “non-existing“ comes the
realization of the paradox that I am still existing in this “nothing“.
Thus, in the way that the “nothing“ (the void, nirvana) is consisting
of “something“, it has substance. This is one of the biggest paradoxes.
Buddha was talking about it as well. It is truly hard to understand
for the human mind.
“I“ has never existed at all, only in our imagination!
The shock that comes afterwards is: “I
am this!“, “I am something special!“ “I have always known!“, as
well as “everybody is!, everybody is the same!, there is only God!“
The feeling that everybody else is me
as well. Everybody else is God as well. Everybody is enlightened.
They just act as if they do not know. Like children playing on a
The feeling that this is a joke, God is
a joker, I am a joker, everybody is a joker.
This is all
a cosmic joke!
Afterwards (plugged in again), feeling
jolly, endlessly merry about this joke.
is that I took myself seriously, that “I thought I was real“.
Followed by the realization that “nothing
is serious“, everything is just a “game of consciousness“. Like
God is playing with himself. (Hard to take if one is thinking about
all the cruelty on earth. But God is the good as well as the
bad and neither/nor. More of that later on in the book).
The realization that “I have never done
anything“. I was never the one “who was doing something“.
This “doing“ is illusion. We all are in a theatre where the actors
have forgotten that they just play a role. And all of a sudden they
take it seriously, or even as if their lives were threatened!
Deep respect for the “not knowing“. The
mind got “switched off“. Nobody is there anymore. Nobody is
there who “knows something“ and because of that, knowledge does
not exist either. All knowledge is discovered as illusion.
Connection with the realization that everything
can change and nothing is stable.
The only lasting thing is
“the nothing“ itself; everything else is not constant.
nothing one could know.“
Realization that the only thing that keeps
one from realizing oneself is being identified with oneself. Identification
does avoid the experience of tasting “this one soul.“
Realization that the original idea of
the “ego“ is misunderstood. Of course without identification, life
on earth is not possible, so the principal idea is “good“.
mean being identified with one’s own “life-drama“, with one’s knowledge
or lake of knowledge. This forms the pattern of our normal behavior.
all patterns drop. And one is more authentic, more honest, a more
truthful being. Able to drop all the masks, there is no need
to hide anymore. One is allowed to just play within this “theatre“.
The realization that all knowledge is
human and has nothing to do with God.
a kind of “higher knowledge“ and a “higher plan“ that we cannot
grasp with our “thinking mind“. Our mind is made for a different
reason, just for very very basic things.
this, one is free. One does not have to worry about the “pseudo-knowledge“
of mankind. It is not real. Consciously or subconsciously,
it is just “part of the search for oneself“.
All is like in a movie, or in the middle
of a play. (I met somebody who had experienced the encounter of
enlightenment and afterwards she was walking around eating popcorn
just to enjoy the show.) The world turns into a cinema and this
is for free!
Enlightenment seems to be the easiest,
most natural, and most normal thing on earth. One wonders that the
all other people act as if it were serious. Why don’t they just
stop and feel “it“. Everybody is “it“. I can see God in everybody.
the “desire to help“, to help them stop their “life-dramas“, to
help them stop their suffering. But this does not seem to be God’s
will. This game, the search itself, inclusive of the suffering or
the pleasure of life, all this is part of “it“, the undivided.)
Outside duality, within God’s consciousness,
all is perfect, everything is “right“ and simultaneously senseless,
since nothing ever happens anyway. The end of the universe is now,
as well as the beginning.
Everything has a “higher purpose“. God,
Existence, or the Universe - however you wish to call “it“- is perfect
AND is eager for evolution to become even more perfect! Is this
paradox hard to take in? The universe is already 100% perfect and
in the next moment it again is 100% perfect, but somehow “more perfect.“
there is no growth as if to say from 99% to 100%, or from 100% to
101%. It is not like that.
The universe is like a river of energy
but unmanifested and timeless. On the other hand it is manifested
and always in the best possible manner according to higher divine
intelligence. It is at the same time in “the nothing“ and in the
“something“, whatever is the best opportunity, now. (Oh God, this
is so hard to express!)
About time: Time stops and only this one
moment exists. Nothing ever happened before nor is it going to happen
afterwards. Only this moment exists. God exists only in the now.
The language of the Universe is the present. Everything else is
created by the mind.
On the other hand there is the sense of
stretching into time, like a wave, as if I exist only “now“ AND
also in “all times“. Since the beginning and until the end. Yet,
there was no beginning and there is no end. It is not as if everything
that ever has been and everything that will be cumulates in the
here and now. It is more like the feeling of totally stepping out
of the usual time dimension. Not even a here and now exists. This
is better: “All here and NOW’s“ which have ever existed and will
ever be are sensed at the same time.
Just imagine you are all of this, all
substance, all energy, all God consciousness. Time as a “restriction“
sinks into insignificance and disappears. God is all and everything.
Therefore so is time and everything that exists. Everything that
does exist is me: “I am all this“. We are all manifestations that
have ever been and that will ever appear in the future.
Realizing this made my experience absolutely
true and complete for me.
I did not only taste the experience of
the “here and now“ – I love to call this Yang-consciousness – which
is only ONE manifestation of God (the here and now).
In my understanding,
the final experience also contains the “Yin-enlightenment“, which
is the perception of God as being a non-manifested “wave“ in which
all manifestations are contained. Thus, outside of duality of course,
in this experience everything at the same time is true. There are
no contradictions anymore. There cannot be.
The “logic of God“ is not “neither-nor“.
It is “as well as“, which is beyond duality and our way of thinking.
I have experienced a lot of “Satoris“
and “Samadhis“ “afterwards“.
are single events and feel very true, yet they are still dual. Here
I would love to point out that I distinguish between “Satori“ and
“Samadhi“ (see chapter later on). Both, in my understanding, are
not the final experience.
Enlightenment is Satori and Samadhi happening at the same time.
“The big merge“ is what others used to name it. Names like “Mahamudra“,
“cosmic wedding“, “cosmic orgasm“, “Shiva and Shakti meet inside“
(and “melt outside“), “God and the Goddess come to be one“, “Yin
and Yang are melting into one another“, “inside and outside change
into one“, or “the creator and the creation become one“. .All these
words just aim to describe “it“. Also I use them as I have no others.
The one I
truly like is “the dreamer and the
dream become one and I am all of that“.
One of the biggest paradoxes: Everything
has its higher purpose, a higher reason, and the cause for all that
is happening lies in the future. Comparable to a magnet that attracts
iron. In our usual way of thinking, the cause of the result lies
in the past. In God’s consciousness the cause lies in the future.
And at the same time, nothing has a “higher
purpose“, all is relative and “senseless“. It is just God playing
with himself. All is happening only “now“, without any plan and
There is a higher reason, and there is
no higher reason at all. This is simultaneously true (and untrue).
Again it is “God’s logic“. It is
always both! Both and at the same time! Everything is
true and untrue. You will never find something true without being
not exist within God. This “system“ only exists in the dream world
The realization that the so-called subconscious
is in “true reality“ the “consciousness of God“. An “individual
consciousness“ does not exist in reality. It only exists in God’s
game of the illusion of an individual self.
one can make peace with the subconscious. Now one is able to stop
forcing oneself to be and/or act consciously all the time. (*smile*)
dare to utter that as long as there is a “you“, as long as something
“outside of you“ does exist, now and manifested, then you must not
name it “enlightenment“. As long as there are objects existing outside
of you, whether alive or dead, whether persons or stones,
then don’t speak about enlightenment. As long as there is a yesterday
and a tomorrow that is beyond the now, don’t speak about the “here
state of the “here & now“ often gets mixed up with enlightenment.
think that just being in the “here & now“ is enlightenment.
Only if the
“here & now“ as well as the “yesterday and the tomorrow“ are
existing simultaneously will one experience it.
As long as
your perception only embraces “I am“ without acknowledging the “I
am not“, or the other way round, as long as you think “I am not“
and “I am all that“ is missing, then please be aware that you are
still captured within duality. All these states are beautiful encounters,
yet one should not immediately call them enlightenment.
This is against
the absolute truth and only creates misunderstandings.
Again and again
mystic masters tried to explain it. Yet in duality one can only
describe things one at a time, therefore it is so easy to just focus
on half of the truth, thinking that this is it.
and experiences are beautiful. No state is “higher“ or more important
than another. Nothing is more worthy, nothing is less worthy.
have to admit (my Body-Mind-Ego-Complex has to admit *:) that I
am not enlightened!!! At the same time I am. Just as much as everybody
It seems as
if God or Existence is writing a “life-drama“, producing an empty
body, then playing the role by himself… or herself.
As part of
the game, one has to forget that it is just a game. And it is far
more interesting if the game seems to be real. Otherwise it would
be boring, wouldn’t it?
To me it seems
as if there are ready-made roles, and people take over a role and
get identified with it.
This can be
any kind of role, and applies to relationships, professions (science,
art, politics), as well as being a spiritual teacher.
Take for example
this book. This book has to come into existence, this is sure.
Yet it does not matter who writes it! It’s just that somebody is
needed who fits into the role of writing this book and has the skills
to do so. The life of the author was just there to create this book.
His “life story“ is not important. And this applies not only in
case the book is successful, but also if it is not. It just does
This is a reversal
of the law of cause and effect. The book is not the result of the
life of the author. The author got this life to serve the book.
enlightened person does not have to play a role anymore. In case
of teaching hundreds of disciples, a “master“ has to take on this
role. And usually he is aware of this role. He knows that it is
just a role. The same applies to me while writing this book. I take
over the role of an author. The roles are stable. They have to be
“filled“ by a person. If a person “leaves a role“ somebody else
has to fill it. I am sure you know this from relationships. After
breaking up, at least one of the two starts a new relationship.
And after a while the new relationship looks like the old one:
same pleasures, same problems, same compromises.
The same applies
within a job. After you quit, another person will take over the
same job. So, the role in the “game of life“ just got a new actor.
Still the role
stays the same.
It is like
in a theatre where some actors fit into certain roles, some do not.
Then they change roles and see if it fits better. This is how the
theatre of life is functioning. We often change our “roles“. As
always, God gives us new possibilities according to our experiences.
If God can “use“ us better, he will do so. We cannot escape. (*smile*)
I am afraid
that I have to admit that this also applies within sad dramas.
If one does
experience great suffering, it is often the manifestation of ones
fears. Therefore, to make the play complete, often another person
is involved and “has to play the bad guy“. Otherwise it would not
experiences and life-dramas repeat themselves, happening again and
again until they are fully and totally experienced and integrated.
Then the person can get free of this role. But as long as one has
not totally and consciously experienced the (dramatic) situation,
one has to play the role.
If one becomes
aware of the pattern or manner of the “play“, then the role can
be dropped. Somebody else will fill it instead. Often a relationship
ends when somebody realizes a certain pattern or makes one step
forward. Then the partners do not fit together, do not match any
longer. And the partner who does not make this one step forward
will soon find a new partner who fits into the game. Only if both
together are realizing the pattern or role they are playing, only
then is it possible to continue the relationship. Soon afterwards
both will experience a new “relationship play“, since the old roles
were experienced, integrated and transformed.
awakened“ persons, the “play“ does not exist anymore. They only
slip into it sometimes, when they briefly play a role for a certain
benefit or reason. Soon it will slip away again. This can be very
difficult for others, since for them we fulfill all their expectations
at the beginning, and then all of a sudden we are gone like a bubble.
It is truly hard for us to make long-term commitments.
If we are being
together with other people and experience being in the here and
now with them, then it is beautiful. When we dive into a state of
love and happiness, all roles are gone. We just are, not this or
that, just human, just here with you.
means playing no role anymore. It is being identified neither with
a role nor an identity. Once we are free, we often go back into
the bathing cabin and come back on stage as a “master“ or “guru“
or whatever. Many enlightened ones refuse to play the role of a
“master“. They just watch the world from outside. You won’t recognize
them, hence they can be anywhere and anybody. Actually, they are
not really present, they just watch and continue playing. Yet they
are “God as a watcher“ and not “God as an actor“. God is watching
himself whilst playing theatre and he is not allowed draw attention
to himself, or cough..
ones “return to the stage“ as a master or guru, they often talk
about all sorts of esoteric nonsense, like me. They do so just to
give the game a new direction or new dynamic, which supports the
evolution of mankind. And a lot of people love it and support the
play. They love coming to gatherings, or satsangs, or to read books
(I met Shakespeare
in eternity. He is crying because nobody understood what he
wanted to show us by inventing his modern theatre.)
By the way,
from the perspective of a “watcher“, all roles seem to be “trips“.
God plays them all within a human body anyway. God is playing the
roles totally consciously, next to the consciousness of the human.
or perceiving a role as a “trip“ does not mean that we have to get
rid of it. If we see it that way, as something we have to get rid
of, or something we should “avoid“, then we make a judgment. By
being judgmental we are still trapped within duality, since there
is something that “should not exist“.
To see it in
that way, I am just on a “book writing trip“..
As I already
mentioned, I see the universe as something perfect, but which is
still developing into even greater perfection. Evolution takes place.
This does not mean that it is not perfect as it is now!
The same applies
to truth. If one does experience “the moment of enlightenment“ one
sees the absolute truth. Yet if “it“ happens “next time“, the truth
seems even more truthful.
Now how to
explain this one? The absolute truth is of course always the same
great truth. It is only our ability to assimilate the experience,
to interpret and understand it, that changes and develops. It is
just that the way we are able to take it in ripens.
Earlier I tried
to describe the “experience of enlightenment“ and share it with
you. I tried to express the unspeakable. To make the mind understand
the absolute truth, the best explanation is that there is no “absolute
And this comes
close to the truth, yet it is still not totally true. (Because this
statement would also be an absolute truth, and the proof of the
opposite. Please be aware, that God would not be almighty if there
were an absolute truth! God would have to hold on to it then. He/
She would not be free, and creativity would vanish.)
absence of absolute truth comes close to the truth, it is the best
trial that “mind” can undertake in order to “understand“ the truth
that cannot be understood.
are enlightened ones walking on earth telling you the truth. And
these often are “relative truths“. This means that it is absolutely
true JUST NOW.
In the time
of the realization that “there is just this moment“, everything
else is fiction.
All the “relative
truths“ are true, yes, but only just in the here & now.
In the “next moment“ they can be gone. Therefore if one is listening
to an enlightened, master one should be aware that the words that
may be spoken soon won’t be true anymore. So please, don’t be pissed
off. They do not lie to you!
For the enlightened
one this is never a problem, because he/she does live in the here
& now. Always.
But for the
usual mind this of course does cause troubles and great contradictions.
Well I recommend
that you simply “turn it off“. (*smile*)
To make it
clear for all times: The moment we enlightened ones start taking
over a position or utter something in a clear and understandable
manner, we are totally back within duality. Otherwise it would just
not be possible to communicate. With whom? Nobody is there. No “other”
are “pure Yin“, sometimes “pure yang“, sometimes both, sometimes
neither/nor, and all we know deep inside is that we cannot control
it, that it is not in our hands.
moments when only the “normal mind“ gets in action, we experience
a totally “different mind“ than before. It seems that enlightenment
also “changes the mind“. One experiences being a pure channel full
of knowledge, knowledge that comes from out of the void. Of course
I do not mean knowledge in terms of school-knowledge or something
one could learn from a book. This knowledge is far more complex.
Therefore I prefer to call it “wisdom“. This wisdom is like a river
that comes and goes out of the nothing. One could also describe
it as “knowing comes.“
can be anything. Anything about the truth or about the truth of
the moment. Nothing else is writing this book! The book grows out
of the nothing. I am talking about knowledge, that is not stored
anywhere, which just comes into existence in this moment. In the
next moment it is gone again.
is a specialty of an “enlightened brain“.
One could also
define enlightenment as “the search is over“.
was looking for, whatever one wanted to know, is over and is answered.
Mission fulfilled. The “riddle of ones individual life“ is answered.
Even if the
answer is “there is no answer“, it is an answer. If fully experienced,
this can be a satisfying answer!
can have different reasons and aims. For one it is the search for
himself and his life’s purpose. For another it is the search for
God, which will lead to realization. For a third it means just finding
an authentic expression for ones own life, which for example could
be obtained through creative artwork. By experiencing the absolute
truth, all searching is over.
to “awakening“, where one experiences only an extreme “high“ like
blissfulness or heart-opening states, “spiritual enlightenment“
has a “side-effect“, the so-called “enlightenment-shock“.
Most of the
enlightened ones have to draw back from the outer world after having
experienced “it“. This is because for a long time one is unable
to communicate with others. Therefore one feels closer to animals
or plants or in the best-case little children.
We find the
reason for this in the realization of the illusion, the realization
that “nothing is real“. This does not only apply to our unwanted
conditioning, it also applies to things we love! Truly everything
is illusion. Considering this, I am asking you now what is more
“painful“ for you – experiencing true suffering or experiencing
true love? You decide for yourself. As you can see, the opposite
of a truth is always true as well (Plato).
I am convinced
that love is surely “the highest“. The whole Universe is love. And
surely love is the most beautiful state on earth. The most beautiful
way to connect with our dear fellows.
Yet in the
absolute truth there is just “nothing“. Nothing is “there“ anymore,
nothing is left. Indeed, nothing IS left. The other, the “you“,
disappears and does not exist anymore.
the ego vanishes, truth, enlightenment, the whole “I“ disappears,
as well as the “you“.
is love for everything, without any differences or preferences.
It cannot be only and just for one person. Relationships are somehow
becoming something senseless, something unreal.
can last a lifetime. Therefore an enlightened one might move into
the mountains, into a cave or somewhere lonesome. But it does not
have to last a lifetime. Soon one can have fun again within the
illusion. More fun than ever.
experience and knowledge and through the observation of other “free
ones“, I clearly have to answer this with YES.
this book I critically mention “pseudo-enlightened-ones“ or make
strong statements about how the experience should be if it is a
At this point,
and also to avoid misunderstandings, I have to declare that others
who have had different “enlightenment experiences“ can also be enlightened.
Of course they can!
We all are
“normal persons“, “normal seekers“ until one personal encounter
with truth happens to us.
This can appear
as it does in my description, or it can be perceived in a slightly
or totally different way.
Often a simple
Satori will do, or a deep “no-mind-state“, and one “jumps into the
truth“. Or some even find themselves being enlightened after an
authentic perception of the “no-thing“.
experience “psychological enlightenment“ without “spiritual experience“.
Nevertheless, these also seem to be enlightened. Often they are
able to give statements about “the relative truth of the moment“,
and can help others to “awake“ (See a chapter later on in the book).
way the transformation occurs does not seem to be important. What
matters is that the “ego“ as such is recognized as a self-created
illusion. Masks are dropped, the mind becomes the “slave and friend“
(to the extent that mind will ever be used again (*smile*). There
is love for oneself, for God, for the whole creation, and one finally
starts living!, honestly and authentic to oneself...just to name
a few examples.
After an experience
of “enlightenment“ some still hold on to a “spiritual trip“, others
will just move on, or make a career, or a million dollars. This
is all individual and is not really important.
One thing that
might create a difference is the way if we communicate the
experience to others, and how we do it. How do we utter the truth
that we have got to know, and do we do it at all? If all enlightened
ones were just leading a simple life without speaking, they would
all be similar, all equal, and it would not matter “which sort of
enlightenment they had experienced“ or which branch they were coming
On the other
hand it can happen that one is sure about having experienced the
encounter with enlightenment and yet it is not true. It can be that
what he had experienced was actually just a particular spiritual
experience. In this case it is better to keep it for oneself, instead
of confusing others. There are a lot of beautiful spiritual experiences
that support transformation and transcendence. A person can become
totally transformed and this is something one can truly enjoy and
that if somebody, after an “out-of-body-experience“, transforms
into a loving being eager to share his love, he has developed trust
in existence and is welcome to share his experience. But be careful,
this is not enlightenment!
Well, we are
all enlightened anyway. It is just that some “know“ (which
means some have experienced it and are consciously aware of it)
and some do not.
If I call myself
an “enlightened one“ it is the same blasphemy. Maybe all the others
are more able to develop love and compassion than I am.
that when I was talking about the experience of enlightenment, I
described the experience that was the transforming force leading
to it. I did not speak about the state afterwards. (not until now*)
ones“ are “normal“ people, and likewise often “normal“ people are
spoke with an “awakened“ person who told me that in her experience
there was no special moment where she could say, “yes this is it“!
In her case
the transformation happened slowly, stretching throughout weeks
This is also
possible and true. Often there are certain moments of “opening“,
of awakening and falling asleep again.
is as if the process of enlightenment gets started via the experience
of enlightenment. Sometimes an enlightened one has to “die again
year. Will it ever stop?
Also this can
The truth of
the moment perceived by one enlightened person can be contrary to
the truth of the moment of another enlightened person and therefore
can turn the “mind-engine“ back on again, or spawn doubts about
one’s own experience.
As a result
of this, doubts about the truth is can follow.
This can also
happen if an enlightened one is telling about his experience and
about the truth.
is still an act of a “present mind“, and therefore it still can
be imprinted by projections (as a “subconscious play of consciousness“).
It can easily
happen that one is projecting the truth of the moment into the outside
world. If this happens one should be aware that this is a relative
truth, a truth of the moment, which is always paradoxical, as is
oneself. The experience of enlightenment is an individual one. As
a matter of fact, the “sleeping parts“ within a person are different
parts for everyone. Awakening this great variety of “sleeping parts“
can cause individual, subjective perceptions and experiences.
So, dear fellow
enlightened ones, don’t let confusion happen. Not through others,
and especially not through their satsang; not from bibles, friends,
family; not through me and especially not through yourself.
All is ok.
Don’t compare yesterday’s truth with the truth of tomorrow.
But the cosmic
joke goes on and on.
The book comes
to an end. It would have never come into existence without using
my mind. I made use of my (mind’s) conditioning.
The book could
have been only a poem.
How long can
a poem be?
could have been said in one sentence.
The whole truth
expressed on a single piece of paper.
In one sentence.
In one word
An empty book.
Would you have
The mind wants
I gave it.
From mind to
valueless at the same time.
I have tried
to explain the “enlightenment trip”. A psychological phenomenon,
an accident, yet also a gift. Generally nothing else then seeing
one’s own “trips in a conscious manner”. The trip itself is the
“interpretation”. Many have reported it, religions arose, new trips.
Maybe I could help with explaining it?
All is true.
And yet finally in the end everything is nonsense.
All this was
The mind that
“dreams to be awake”.
towards the world outside, and projects itself.
Like onto an
That can change,
forcing the creation of the behavior that “mind” wishes to see
That sees itself
in the other
As a “realization”
of the projection
“I in all others” God
his own devil
as an opening into the land of the unconscious
What was collected
is now emptied
If it could
would finally leave us alone…
Are we ripe
If God would
finally leave me alone…
Am I ripe for
I do not want
to be God again; I want to give back freedom to all humans. The
freedom of all my projections.
I wish to see
the world like it is.
Now, that the
book is coming to an end, all “visions, dreams and illusions” are
slowly drifting away again. Therefore, “quickly a few more words”:
I dream about
a world full of enlightened ones, full of love and happiness. About
a world where we share what is there. A world where we all are a
big, big family.
dream about a “tantric ashram”, where people exchange love, happiness
and energy. Where wounds can be healed. Where everybody is welcomed
to give, according to whatever he is able to give; and take whatever
he is able to take.
I dream about
not dreaming anymore.
I dream about