Sat Chit Anand
the first Sharing...
here you will find my very first public sharing - some weeks after awakening, still in a deep trance of Nothingness itselve - the Mystique's "State", who still sees all this World as Illusion, aspecially all this missunderstandings he himselve did or believed "before"...)
I sent it under the pseudonym "email@example.com" to many spiritual related sites and it was long time available online in "spiritweb.org". Now re-published on my own site...
In respect to the text which is full of english grammar and spelling-errors, I didn't change a single word (not even the email-adresses which are not in function anymore!), since it is of chronological interest in the whole process of "awakening" - just a "Table of Contents" was added.
Sat Chit Anand, Truth, Conciousness, Bliss
Table of Contents
Friends, sorry about my english, its not my mother tongue.
I will write here about the truth, the truth of Tantra, of enlightenment, of kundalini, of god, of the whole existence. And I will write out only of my own experience. I dont want to philosophy or discuss, if you dont believe, its your business, not mine.
Its time to start to speak, whatever will happen out of this. It is perhaps the first time, that one, "who knows", will speak through this medium, and it is worth a try. If it does not work, so what, than it should not !!!
I am sitting in a coffeehouse in india, waiting for my ticket home, and I have time, nothing to do. And I will wait for at least one more month, after being here for so long time, this is very short.
Who wants to know the "truth"? Not many of you ! If I reach some, its enough, and, of course, this is a big medium...
Most people only wants to mind-fuck, and mostly they are only interested on hearing things, which they already know, to satisfy the ego, to go on on their way, without any need to change anything.
You will be surprised, that most of that, what you think is true, is not. I will also tell you about the *real* brotherhood between enlightened ones on this planet, not of this childish games, which are played by the people of so many orders and groups of all kinds.
I dont have to protect myself against them, because I got the highest protection possible.
It happened in the past, but not very often, that some of us spoke to you, but in times, where light is needed. And in this days, where all this therapists, gurus, scientists, philosophics, "saints", "esoterics" tell so much stupid things, this light is needed again to help you out of confusion.
So, lets start to a journey, a journey of truth.
For those, who know, and ask, why I do this, i will say: "What else should I do?" . So, in this way, I dont do!
Before I got enlightened, I was just like you. The very same. It happened to this identity not long ago, and it went a long road before. And then, this old identity died, and this new "I" entered this body, knowing, who I am. And now, after a time of preparation, I am ready to speak via this medium.
What does it mean to be "enlightened"? In a way: Nothing! It is an experience on one side, on another side it is a start-point, and of course, also an end. I was enlightened all the time, from the very beginning, but I, or better, my mind, did not know. Its the same with you. You are also enlightened, but you dont know. Or, you ACT as you dont know. That is strange to me.
There is nothing to know, and there is no way to go, all is here, just in that moment.
So, perhaps you ask, why then to speak about it? In fact, I dont know. This for those, who know.
In the same time my kundalini got full awakened, and I now can be in a state of bliss on one end, and peace on the other end of energy, for hours, as it happens.
As it is promised by all this tantric and kundalini-stuff, I can walk through the world in a state of permanent orgasmic. It is a part of this, "my" identity, and hast not so much todo with the god-hood. As Gopi Krishna experienced it without enlightenment !
If you think I am crazy, yes, I am crazy; but not stupid. And, if you think, I am on drugs, yes I am on the VERY drug, I am "on kundalini". This for those, who know "something".
For those, who wants to proof me: There is no way to proof. Only the same can see the same, and, as I said, if you believe or not is yours.
I am not a "holy" person. Not a "saint". I am not that, what you think I should be. And my way was perhaps completely different, of what you think about "ways".
It can happen every moment. Also to you. There is nothing to do. And, of course, it WILL happen.
There is nothing wrong, nothing right. Just do, as you like to do. Dont do, what people suggest you to do, if it does not fit your feelings, wishes, believe-systems. They will change by themselves.
So, what to do? I cannot tell you, for everybody it is different. I only can tell you, what NOT to do...
As long as you DO something, you are NOT on the way, because there is no way. A way is just another postponement. But I know, you have to go some way, as long, as you believe it.
But there are many people nowadays, which tell you, you should do this, or that, to be happy, to be more conscious, to be this or that. To make therapies, or rituals. To learn this technique or that, to be just a good guy, or to be as bad as you want. This people are all wrong.
But, if you feel good with it, ok, go for it, it does not matter at all. You can go a long way, or you can go a short way. In fact, you go on in a circle, because you reached the goal long before, but you dont know, are just not aware of it.
Yes, there are different state of beings. The are there all the time, in the same time. Connected to chakras, for those, who believe on this. It is only a question of your awareness. Of your Identification. You are just the Identificator.
For those, who likes to play with "brotherhoods". You play a childish game. Go on, if you enjoy, but you are far away from the truth.
Your secret signs, your rituals, just another silly game. In this way you will not enter the real brotherhood, which is hidden to you.
Whatever order you belong to. The very roots are the same, but the connection is almost lost. It is only the outside world, still the outside.
Perhaps you have success, but only on the outside. As magical it is, it is outside. Whatever "being" helps you, it is outside.
The real think is hidden. We know each other. Just by the presence. Some of us play with you. Those who are sitting on the chairs, are outside. Perhaps some of us are sitting on your side, but you dont know. You are unable to recognize the real masters.
Our meetings are hidden. We just meet, without doing anything, and on places, you will not find.
For those who are in religions. There are many groups and sects and also big churches. Almost all of them touch some part of the truth. Only living experience can unfold the very truth.
Many of them go far, because their teachers or gurus where enlightened or almost close to it. But what happened to them? They became the playground of philosophics and scholars. Only theoretical stuff. When the master dies, its all over. You cannot go on and make a religion out of it. This never works.
you will simply look on the way he went. But this was his very own way, not to copy. What happens to a master BEFORE enlightenment, is unique. Everybody has its own way, it has to be so.
And what he did after enlightenment, he did only for you, as helper, and as a mirror. In fact, hi did nothing, he only reflects you, in the context of time, space, culture.
You also cannot copy this, because you are a different being, on a different level.
You cannot say, what he did is "holy" and should be copied. If he would not have been with you, he would have done nothing. He is empty. How can you copy emptiness, when you are full ?
And all what he said, is in the context of the happening. And you take it out, and take it serious. Nothing what can be said, is true. Nothing. Also MY words are not the truth. The truth cannot be thought and more, it cannot be talked. Talking is only a tool to take you toe the truth. To put away all this bullshit which came to you from the outside. So also I can only say, what is NOT true, and believe, ALL what you THINK, what you are able to think, is definitely NOT true.
The truth is hidden. In yourself. And on the day it comes to you, you will know all what can be known. Before, you will know nothing.
There is a heaven, but it is HERE. There is a hell, but it is also HERE. There are angels and devils, but they are in you. In fact, they are you. There is a soul, but only one.
There is not only one god, but there is only god, nothing else exists. And it is you. You are part from it.
Your very "I"" is the same "I", which is in me. There is only one "I" in the hole universe. This "I" is your "I". Is my "I". is god. All what differs you from me is pure illusion.
There is no individual soul, like you understand it. This is only once more a wish from the ego, the mind, to survive.
There is re-incarnation, but not like you understand it. It is every time the same "soul", in everybody of us.
What you think you are will die. Forever. There is no "comeing-back" in heaven or rebirthing. You think of you, you are the body, or the mind or an individual energy. This will die. No way out. Your body will fall into his elements, and so the brain, how can you be so stupid to think, that after death there will be anything to life further? What ?
But you will life forever. But this part of you, you dont know.
It does not matter, if you become enlightened, because you already are. You simply dont know and have the wrong identification, and THIS is hell.
You go on with your desires, but there is only ONE desire. Its the re-union with god, with the existence, whatever name you give. Even if you think there is no god, even if you think only on material things. The power behind you is this only desire, the power behind you is god.
You can go on to fulfill your desires, it does not matter. And it is a good way. All ways come to god, sometimes. But you can go faster. I know, I said there is no way. Both is true. The logical mind cannot solve this problem. Both is true! There is a higher logic, you cannot understand. This "yes AND no"-Game IS in fact the motor of this reality. This is the real yin and yang, the real Shiva and Shakti, the real light and darkness.
The only desire of god is to play this game, which he enjoys so much. He also enjoys your pain, because it is only illusion, experience, game. There is nobody inside you, so who can feel the pain ?
And god does not judge anything. All is ok as it is. Its simply a game. And there is only one player, but you forgot. Now the figures in the game thinks, that they are alive. You died in the day you where born. You cannot die once more.
The whole morality is stupid. You can do, what you want. God waits for it. To express himself in a "better" way.
But if you think, now you can do "bad" things, which effect others in a bad way, then you only go on doing bad things to yourself. It does not matter, in one way, in another way, it is still the mind and perhaps a bad mind in a damaged brain! It is, because all your minds are so damaged. You cannot hurt another, you can only hurt yourself.
If you really act out of love, you wold act in a way, that nobody would be hurted. Nobody, not the other, and not you. But it is not possible for you, to act in this way, I know. And therefore, it is forgiven, in the moment, it is done.
In fact, there is only self-love, because there is only god. But as long, as you are not god, you can only seek this love in the outside, and this is good so, because you at least learn to love.
Gods "desire" is to find himself in you. To make a perfect mirror, to meet himself. This desire is the power behind love, sex, relationships. When you go for this desires in you, you are more close to god. You can find without this, but it is more difficult and not so much fun.
There is much more to say about all this, but, in another time...
(But if you *really* find love, peace, bliss and your freedom in your religion, than go for it !)
To the magicians I will write:
Magic is just another stupid game. It can make fun, and if it is so, enjoy it, nothing wrong with it. But if you think you will archive something, you will miss.
Magic tries to change something, which does not fit to you. To your mind, to your ego. Even if it is very "white" and pure, it is only used to change the very moment, the very situation. And you go on postponing.
In fact, you go on postponing YOUR life ! Are you afraid of life? You are wasting YOUR time. It is absolutely the same, like the people who go on making money to achieve something. No difference! Just another way. Perhaps, you only have some more sort of laziness in you.
Real magic happens in the very moment. And it happens on its own. You dont have to make any effort, that magic can happen. In fact, your effort is pushing you back from the real magic.
But if you enjoy and dont hurt other people, go on.
To the "game players": If you think, you are very conscious of your games, and you dont take anything serious, because it is not serious, than it is possible, that you miss the real game. God is not serious, so dont TAKE it serious, but it is HIS game, not yours. And you can miss, because of your silly game. You can once more stand in the way, that god cannot express himself in the very best. So, sometimes, you HAVE to take it serious, in the meaning of "being total".
To the scientists: Go on wasting your time, your life. There is not much hope for you. Only on the top-level, only the very best minds of you, they will see some parts of the truth, but you will never be able to see the whole thing. If you think you found it, it will change in the same time. o way to catch god. He plays with you.
And, in a way, also this is gods game. His creation. Not man developed modern life. God did it through you. He is the engineer of computers, what did you think? You cannot step out of his will.
You find some new explanation, and he laughs about it. And the top-heads of you, only that, comes closer in the moment, where they realize, that there is a mystery, which cannot be solved.
You will not find the smallest part. Nor will you find the end of the universe.
Logic is a powerful tool. But dont get identified with it. There is some higher logic, which cannot be understood with the logical mind.
For going, use your feet. For loving, use your heart. For eating, use your mouth. You dont put the meal into your ears, do you? So why are you going to use your brain on subjects, for which it is not the right tool?
Just for the primal peoples:
To the philosophers and to the people, who tell others, whats the right thing; which go on thinking about the truth which they will never understand:
Why do you waste your time? Life "your" life instead of thinking, what other people should do, of what is right and what is wrong.
Only experience will bring you to the truth, you cannot think about it.
Once you start your thinking of what is true, you will not stop. You cannot stop. You find something one day, and on the next day it will be different, and you start thinking again. You will never come to an end.
Because, philosophy is only relative, not absolute. You can describe your truth from many sides. And it never ends. An ongoing drama. You will not see the absolute with your mind. Impossible. Dont waste your time.
And once you finish, and take "your" truth for serious, you start paining other people with it. Everybody who confirms to you, you love. But its not love, its a business. And everybody who has another truth, you fight against. You have to. Because in a way, you are dead. Not moving anymore. And so you have to protect your truth against others, because you dont want to leave it behind. Your truth became your very being, your identification , your whole existence.
If you wold leave it, it will feel like death to you, so you are afraid to leave it, because you are afraid to die.
To the users of drugs. Your are experiencing some parts of god, but you pay a high price to your body. And in fact, god protects himself, so if you come too close, you will end up either dead, being crazy or, simply, you will not be able to understand, what happens to you.
It is a powerful tool, you should use it with awareness and not to get satisfaction, only because you cannot get it from the outside. You will also not get it with drugs.
But you will at least see, that this reality is not true. This is fine, but is not all. You will not see the real truth, because you are not prepared for it. And so your mind will work as a filter and interpret, what he sees in a stupid way.
If you use it, use it with awareness. Use it in energy-work, watch your state of being. Dont get identified.
You can proof yourself, if it is the right thing for you: if you "need" less and less, it is ok, one day you will drop it. If you "need" more and more, you are on the straight way to hell.
And dont take your experiences serious. You will interpret in a wrong way, and you will in fact forget most of what you "saw", when you are back in your daily consciousness. You cannot fully integrate it in your life, because its only a tool, and, in a way, unnatural.
To the esoterics, spiritualists, to all this, who are searching in strange ways and especially to their teachers, who think, that they have found the "only way":
Oh my god, what is going on here, are you all crazy? So many ways, and every day they become more.
There are many nice exercises, if you enjoy them, fine. If you feel better, have more energy, fine. But dont think you will find god with this way. He is laughing so much on you, when you stand up early in the morning, cancelling your natural sleeping-meditation and go to make funny postures and movements.
Or, when you stop your natural breathing and start to make your prana-, chi- and "i want more energy"-game-yama.
Or that, who think, they have now "connection" to a "higher soul", they call it "channeling" nowadays, before this was simply spiritism. Everybody is already a channel, of the only one, the highest soul. Who should be between? And you give them names. Do you have it out of a cosmic phone book, before you call them? This is really stupid, but funny, anyway.
Look what happened, Reiki is a wonderful example (But only an example, and to defend it in this same space, I have to say, that *real* Reiki is close, very close to truth of healing...). It is like this with nearly every teaching nowadays.
First they gave you "sessions", healing. And the took money for it. But more and more "healers" came, so on the next step, they "teache" you to become a healer yourself. And got more money. Next, they gave you a "training", that you yourself can teach others to heal, and finally you are a "Reiki-Master" and can "initiate" others to teach. This snowball never works.
And what do the "first one" in the meanwhile? To be different from you now, they have to call themselves "enlightened". Yes, many "enlightened" will come the next years. Finally, their ego will say: "I am god". Be aware of this!
To the therapists. A special chapter, because I love them so much. They have the biggest egos of this planet. And, naturally, they say to you, you should not have an ego at all. This is so funny.
They promise you something, but they never fulfill. Yes, its not "to" the therapists, its "about" them, because you cannot even speak with such a big ego.
They think, they already "got it", so, no way to speak with them.
They only live in the future. For them, nothing is good as it is, of course, they would loose their job. Everything is a problem.
And, they say, they help you against, or sometimes also with, your desires. They will find your "soul-intention". the soul dont need anybody to go for its intention, it is much more powerful than you think. This is only a way to strength the ego.
What therapists can do, is to make a strong, big ego-mind-complex out of you. They only look to the "wrong", dark side. Forget it, simple turn on the light, then there is no darkness at all. They want you to become a "well-functioning-human-being", but you are already a god!
They tell you, you are wrong, but you are perfectly right. With all your projections, judgments, emotional "problems". You are perfectly right! Only enlightened people are free of this. So, they make you a copy of enlightened ones, like they are sometimes, but you are not. And in this way, they cut off the possibility, that you can become one.
They speak of "willpower", but there is no will at all. A wrong concept. And all your action should have a reason, and you have to explain, but there is no reason at all.
On the other side, i have to say: Many, many, perhaps most of you need them, i know. If they help you to be more happy, and to be able more and more to do what you really want, then there is not a big problem about this, it is fine. But it is not "the end" of the work, like they suggest. It is just another game...
Hey, therapists, what about a therapy on your own? Why are YOU so concerned about other peoples problems? Whats YOUR problem behind this? You call it love? Love never has to do something with the other ! Look deep inside yourself. You use other people to find answers on questions, which you only can find in yourself.
About Love, Sex and Tantra. Oh, many are out, many are out, and they make so much noise. Who am I to judge this? They go in a way of their love, close to truth.
But how perverted this became in the west? People wants to have move excitement, bigger and longer orgasms, they call it "cosmic", and they call this tantra. So stupid. I am sad about this.
If you go on excitement, fine, nothing wrong. If you want a deeper sexual experience, nothing wrong. But why do you call it "holy"? There is no judgment of god, if the orgasm is long or short, intensive or not. No difference at all. For god, everything is holy. Your want something "more", ok, but dont call it tantra.
Tantra is having orgasm with god, with the whole existence. Then Tantra "happens", you cannot DO it, you cannot force it. This all "breathing-with-a-partner" exercises: Nice, fine, but not Tantra, this is simply "yoga without celibacy". Its richer than yoga, of course, but not tantra.
Tantra can only happen by itself, and only if the very "YOU" step out of the way, disappars. Then you can merge. And in the end, you merge with yourself, you merge with god.
Only two people who are empty inside, can START with tantra. No desires, not going for excitement, no goal.
Many of you think, tantra is "free-love". In a way, it is, because you are in love with the whole existence. But to move deeper into tantra, you have to commit for a longer time. Tantra is not for "one-night-stands".
I dont see many real tantra-teachers, most of them are sex-therapists. Yes, I am a tantra-master, I was my whole live. I didnt have to "learn" it, I got it as a gift. It came to me on its own, natural. But I can give you nothing in this letter, Tantra cannot be "teached" at all. Cannot be said at all. Therefore I work hidden on this subject. But there are many different Tantras i know, o perhaps, later on, when there is more space for it, I will write a book about this, who knows.
Let Sex "happen", let love "happen". Let meditation happen, let god happen to you. All of this, you cannot "make", you cannot "search for".
The end of judging: All people I criticized before, are well ok. They are needed. They are also part of gods game, and a very important part. I love them, I have to love them. Nothing is serious, so dont take me serious, I am just drunken, drunken with bliss, love and peace.
Why we work hidden: We have to. Look at all this "outside masters". What happened to them when they declared themselves? People surround them, sucking. Many male minds, wanting to "know" the truth. Asking stupid questions.
And so many hysteric women. "Feeling" so much "energy", getting ecstatic. So, in this way, the Beatles where the greatest masters of all time...
If a master goes outside, he have to deal with all the egos, clinging, wanting, expecting, "save me". And the real magic stops. He cannot DO anything, it only can happen "through" him, as expression of god. But when the other knows, you are a master, his ego will be in the way. He would have to complete surrender, but this is nearly impossible in this days.
What people would feel, is there own energy, but they would believe, it is the master's. And the master would go on a big ego-trip. And his real magic would stop. On the end, the same would happen, so, I dont care about it. But the master is not anymore this perfect, empty channel of god, what he was before.
And, it is much more difficult for a tantric master. Women could not really relax. It just happens on its own, I am not the doer. I just watch it. "Oh, nice, you have an awakened kundalini now, wow!". I dont even tell them that it could have anything to do with me. I enjoy much, inside, I dont need any "thank you". Such works real love. Not needing ANYTHING back.
So, we work hidden, because only then we can really work on you. We can enter you, because you even dont know, that we are going to enter you. And we dont do it on our own effort, it just happens, as a miracle, even to us. You will not meet us as leaders of a workshop, but perhaps as participant. So, perhaps some of the declared once are really enlightened. But most of them are not. And those, who are, play just double-games, one for the outside, one for the inside. And, perhaps, not more as effective as they could before.
What about me, who am I? My identity does not matter at all. I had a perfect live, I got and did all and I am thankful to existence.
So, you can choose, who I am for you. But, in fact, I am not anymore, anything. In another way, I, simply, "am". And if you think I am God, yes I am, but in the same way as you are, and no, I am not, in the same way as you are not. In fact, I am you.
I invite you. If you feel so, than copy this letter to as many friends, boards, sites you want. In the meanwhile, you can reach and ask me per email via firstname.lastname@example.org and email@example.com. And also in some newsgroups, where i posted this letter. In German or English. Lets see, what happens, I have no idea. I f you have any ideas, I am open to all.
Here this Sharing ends
The Mystique has gone
and this is the real journey!